Warning:
This post contains pretty much no humour and no silliness. I’m in a babbling & philosophical mood so I’m just going to spend a few paragraphs babbling on about some stuff. You’ve been warned ok?

Some people seem to be able to maintain the same mood every day, like they really know what’s going on in their life and so there is no need for them to change mood at all, ever.

(Here comes the self-obsessed part, concentrate)
I, on the other hand, seem to swing between being very happy with the world and everyone around me to being suddenly straight-faced and subdued and not really sure what people think of me or what I think of myself (how very “OC” of me)

I don’t normally delve into my psychology on this blog but I’m currently in one of those straight-faced kind of moods so I thought I’d jot down the contents of my head… just for the sake of it really.

So yeah, I think it boils down to insecurities and an occasional crisis of self-confidence. I kinda get the idea that I’m an OK guy and that people around me think I’m an OK guy but then its quite easy to wobble off that platform so that you suddenly start thinking that maybe people just tolerate you and put up with you but really they think you’re just some weirdo who smells like yesterday’s dirty washing (ha, look, some humour crept into this post after all!!).

But thankfully that feeling usually passes by the next day and I’m suddenly happy again. But it would be nice not to have those strange blips of insecurity. Maybe its normal, maybe everyone is like that to an extent, I dunno.

ANYWAY….. on a more positive note, me and my girlfriend have found a house that we are going to make an offer on (just decided this a few minutes ago with her). I like it a lot but she doesn’t really like it but she’s ready to get on the property ladder soon and this house has a lot going for it: nice house, lovely park just 50 yards away, its near family & friends, its back where we both grew up so its where we feel “at home”, the price seems good but there are plenty of improvements to be made inside (£££). So we’re gonna go for it we think.

I’ll be really really really sad to leave my current home as I’ve had a very good 2 years here. I’ve learnt lots about life in general, about respect, about honesty & integrity, about the different socialising methods of different types of people, about social hierarchies, about being loyal to your friends and speaking up for your friends in their absense.

Also, I’ve made about 20 friends. That’s amazing really. 20 friends from living on 1 street for 2 years. My main fear about getting a house 2 years ago was that I would lock myself away in a back room and not speak to anyone in my neighbourhood, but 2 years later I’ve made 20 friends. So that’s very cool. The interesting thing is that out of those 20 friends, very few of them have been “my kind of people” and so I’ve had to persevere, make allowances and adapt my own outlook in order to gel with them. This has been a very good learning experience for me really. I’ve got my old lifelong friends from wayback when who I know how to interact with and get along with and we’re on the same wavelength. Then I’ve had my university friends who were a different kettle of fish but still similar in social interaction styles and a very similar wavelength. And then there’s been my neighbours who have been yet another kettle of fish a whole new wavelength. I’ve not been able to use any of my existing social skills that I’ve picked up through life with these new friends & neighbours. It’s been like starting again at age 3 learning how to communicate all over again and how to respond to certain situations and conversational styles. It’s been very weird and it has changed me quite a lot actually. It’s changed me for the better I suppose, I’ve lived and learned. But now the time is coming to move on, and that’s very very very very very very very very very very very very sad for me. I’m sure I’ll shed a few tears when I move out of this house…. but saying that, I cry at Disney movies too !! No but seriously, I will sorely miss this house and everything that went with it.

I think I’m a braver person now, a more outgoing person. More confident about my opinions, less embarrassed about my own individual set of core values and ethics. More likely to say “yes” to new experiences. More likely to trust people not to think I’m a spaz (forgive my use of such a horrid word) if I let them get to know me. More likely to make sure I treat my girlfriend as an equal for the rest of my life, and to never put her down or tell her she’s rubbish/stupid/fat etc.

This post has totally gone or for long enough already. I don’t imagine anyone is still reading this but then I wrote it for myself really, just to get this stuff jotted down before the thoughts pass.

So now, I must strive forward into the realms of house ownership, marriage, parenthood and family building. I have every confidence that I’ll make a good go of it and that I’ll live a happy “phase 2” of my life. I can’t wait to have kids and I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy every minute of parenthood. Even when it gets tough I think that I’ll still be enjoying the ride.

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