u might notice tho gooders that the defence is second best to a team who has played half as many games as us, if you look at the goals per game average we are level!but i cant comment on the lack of goals scored apart from we would be joint 4th least goals had sparky scored his penalty!haha

Whilst it is factually correct to state that The Turks Head have the 2nd best defence in the league, the statistics you supply do not paint the full picture. Whilst we have conceded 2 goals more than the team (DC United) with the best defence, we have also played 2 games more – I would hazard a guess that once they have played their games in hand they will no longer have the best defence. On a different but not completely unrelated subject, my old friend Ken Monkou has offered to come out of retirement in order to help us maintain our solid start to the season. He has been keeping himself fit and maintained a steady income by making public appearances as a Winston from The Ghostbusters look-alike, but has decided that he is now ready for a return to the cut and thrust world of the Rochdale Sunday League. All he asks in return is that we make an agreement not to sign up Francis Benali. Apparently they had a disagreement some years ago about who got to keep Matt le Tissier’s jockstrap after he scored a couple of wonder goals against an understrength Newcastle side at The Dell.

Yeah TTH defence definately looks the best due to DC united playing less games than us. And don’t forget we actually play them again on Sunday so we can hopefully turn around that statistic so that TTH defence is the best on paper.

Lets hope we don’t get any penalty’s.

The start looks good, I put it down to the new management, it’s good to have a manager with a full head of hair, Kevin Jackson was balding.

The start is a good one but we cannot get complacent. Those old enough to remember the 80’s will recall Man United winning their opening 10 games of the season (I think it was 85/86 but will submit to a higher footballing brain) and went on to finish nowhere near where they started. It’ll be hard without Nutters AND Mikey G, losing Mikey G was bad enough. Can you not cancel your holiday Andy? Answer the call – your club needs you!!! But don’t get big-headed.

Cancel my honeymoon? Do you have a replacement wife for me as I feel it would be a very short marriage if I was to cancel on the grounds of Football.

The Mass of Gooders head is far greater than mine, although I have longer ears.

Thank you for the praise though.

weddings, honeymoons and stagdos have defined the season.

I decided to step down from submitting the match report to the Oldham Chronicle, I can no longer be bothered to put the effort in, after submitting an honest report which was mean’t in banter, comments from the management that my report was ‘Cutting’ have made my mind up to step down, it would appear I have misjudged the situation and it’s been taken way to serious.

I pass the responsiblity to you yonner as I’m aware you have nothing better to do all day every monday you need to email sport@oldham-chronicle.co.uk with your report, example below

Rochdale Sunday league
Turks Head 2 Yonner Fc 0
Chris Almond and Mark Goodwin were the scorers.

You may ad a small report at your peril.
I am moving on to bigger and better things, writing the love stories for The Sport.

I would also like to mention I’ve not received agents fee’s for transfer coup’s I’ve got for the Turks, Yonner and Eastwood were both introduced plus payments are still owed for bringing perks, and I had the final meeting with Mark & Andy Jonesys parents re signing them. £1.5 million to my off shore account please.

Forgot to mention Seymour but I’ll waver that one.

Balding ? You must have the wrong person. Just the other day Austin Healy and Graham Gooch were commenting on how lucky I am to have a lovely head of hair.

Get well soon Mike.

I never missed a penalty for the Turks !

I have to say that I was suprised to hear that Mr Andy Nuttall will not be submitting Turks Head FC match reports to myself anymore. Andy and I go back along way, (not as long back as his thunderbolt the other week mind) and I feel the criticism of him was unjust. I wish you all the very best for the season and hopefully someone else will carry on from where Andy left off.

Please,please,lets nip this in the bud NOW!
A chain is only strong when all the links are together.Take 1 out and the whole thing will collapse.Our team needs togetherness,i love this club because it is my friendship bank.The different characters in this club are the reason we have stayed afloat for 27 years.We now have a very good squad,as good as i have seen in 14 years.Lets us be a unity and we will not only succeed in the sunday league but also in life.
Love you all,lets kick some D.C. arse in the morn.
Your philosophical captain.